...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
