I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
