Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
