I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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