She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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