dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
