i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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