i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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