Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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