well you can't waste a boner
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
