paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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