My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize