don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
