you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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