You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
