I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
