i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize