Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never underestimate the power of titties
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