I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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