I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
