new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who died my cat blue again?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
