I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
