what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
4 words: hood of his car
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize