I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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