i need an iv and a liver transplant
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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