when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
