I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
