K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
