I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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