Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found your dick twin last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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