The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
