his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
