You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
