I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
