I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
