My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
