So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
