I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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