R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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