Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
