somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
