he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
