SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
