they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize