He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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