I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
