Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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