Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
