What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize