The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
