his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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