that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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