Sorry, I don't speak sober.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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