like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
