And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
