I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
