get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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