It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
