____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
