My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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