she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
