I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize