how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
