I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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