There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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