I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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